Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
