My Higher Power is John Stamos
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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