did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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