I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize