can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
