You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
