i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
