i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize