It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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