vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
