he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm like, not good at living.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
