did you get engaged???
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
