Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
