Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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