Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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