dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
