I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
