I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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