I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
