Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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