..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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