oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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