it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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