Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
