The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
