Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He did a backflip because drugs
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
