you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
