whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
