Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
