hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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