She's JV to your varsity
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize