guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
