i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize