he thought i was a dude.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
