Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
