I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
