she was so not down for the gang bang
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
