i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
