Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
