Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
