Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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