He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
