You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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