So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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