Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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