it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
