I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
