remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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