dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
