If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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