This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
