needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
