I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
