I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
