pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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