Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
