Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
