yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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