u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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