Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
