I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
