Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
