I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
