just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i think i have two assholes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
