Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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