I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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