i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
