I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
