it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
