Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize